'I gave up sex for seven years after hitting rock bottom - it transformed my life'

A single became celibate for seven years after alcohol took over her life following a family tragedy. She is now almost 10 years sober and has completely overhauled her life with a newfound confidence and approach to

40, from Portsmouth, lost her mum 11 years ago this month and at the time, says she "didn't cope well" and turned to alcohol. Speaking exclusively to the , Anna explains, "I had always been a drinker, but I turned into a full-blown alcoholic.

"I was really depressed, suicidal and eating a lot, so my weight doubled - it was all in about a year. I was a very, very miserable person, unfortunately.

"I was in the abyss of misery, and after hitting rock bottom, I decided to get sober."

Anna started her sobriety journey on 7 December 2015 and overhauled her life. "I just got rid of everything, all the bad people in my life, drink, drugs and men. I just thought I needed to concentrate on myself and my child." Anna had welcomed her son in 2009.

She focused on getting sober, being physically and mentally healthy, while also building her relationship with her son. During this time, Anna lost an impressive seven stone in weight.

The dramatic lifestyle change also led Anna to ditch sex and altogether, although she admits this was never her intention, and it wasn't because she "hated men". She explains, "Celibacy was really great for me mentally and emotionally because it meant I could just concentrate on myself without having any men in the mix.

"As we know, they can be a distraction and not always of a good kind. But it somehow turned into seven years of absolutely no men, whatsoever."

She continues, "It just wasn't on my radar whatsoever, and it didn't even occur to me to look at men and consider letting anyone into my life in any way.

"The celibacy wasn't planned. I'd never considered it to end or to carry on - it was just a thing that was going on."

Reflecting on becoming sober while also being celibate, she tells us, "It was just a very long, slow process of coming out of that, and there were lots of ups and downs, steps forward and backwards.

"I had to really learn to actually love myself, because going through all the depression and the alcoholism, you do things that you're not proud of. You don't like yourself, and there's a lot of shame and guilt around everything.

"I had to learn to forgive myself, and it really was a journey of learning to love myself. The next step was to be confident enough to show it off to people.

"By the end of it, I felt great. I then got into a training program and got nutrition advice and toned up my body."

With a new lease of confidence, Anna went to a group photoshoot to showcase her new slim figure. At the time, she pondered a career in fitness, but being in front of the camera became the start of a modelling career.

"I loved it so much, and it kicked off a whole new part of my life. I met new people, and that was when men came back on the radar," she says.

"I was feeling so good about myself. I was confident, and I was feeling like a much more solid person on the whole. Me and my son had a great relationship by this point."

After seven years of no sex or romantic encounters, Anna met someone, and it naturally marked the end of her celibacy in November 2022. While this romance only lasted a few weeks, she says it was "eye-opening" and made her realise that she could "entertain men" in her life again.

"He was older than me, so he was quite self-assured and confident in himself, which really helped me learn to embrace that," Anna shares. "And that was the first time I ever had sober sex, so that was a revelation to me as well."

Speaking further about this, Anna tells us, "I would never choose anything else now at all - sober sex is absolutely the best way to do it.

"I realised I always used to have sex drunk because I wasn't confident, and I didn't love myself or was scared of my performance. It was really unfulfilling, and at the time, I didn't know what I wanted in the bedroom, and I had such low self-esteem.

"During drunk sex, I always used to focus on them, making sure they were having a good time, but sober sex, I'm about me. I want a good time, it's so completely different, and he showed me how to enjoy myself, and I will forever be grateful to him.

"I was fully present and fully experiencing it rather than worrying about it."

Following her celibacy journey, Anna has a newfound approach and view when it comes to intimacy. "I have a good relationship with sex now, I don’t feel any pressure, and the connection has to be more mental now, brain goes before libido," she explains.

"I approach it from a place of good self-esteem and confidence, and I know when it feels right or not.

"I'm strong enough now that if ever it doesn't feel right, I'm just like, 'no, sorry'. I don't feel any pressure anymore to do things I don't want to do."

She adds, "I haven’t met anyone I’d want to introduce to my son yet, but sex is more in-depth and rewarding now. It's just getting better and better."

Anna concludes with confidence, "I'm now at a stage where I'm just like, this is me, and if you don't like it, that's not a problem. Nobody's going to be liked by literally everybody - that's not possible, and that's absolutely great. I'll just be me now - it's very empowering in that way."

Offering advice to other mums regarding intimacy, Anna shares, "Stay true to yourself at all times. Have boundaries and enforce them. Have confidence, and don’t put pressure on things. Just enjoy those interactions, and it’s okay to be alone."

Lovehoney has launched The Mama Sutra eBook (https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/trends-insights/mama-sutra.html), which offers expert advice, practical guidance, and real-life stories from mums to explore intimacy during and parenthood.

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